it’s time to :
Give Yourself the Care and Love
you extend to your loved ones
Because caring for your family and friends without leaving space for yourself is not sustainable and won’t bring you more joy.
You can never relax and most days you feel like you’re failing.
You have one million things to do. Now you’re at home, now you’re making dinner. Now you’re cleaning up. Now it’s the kids’ bedtime. Now it’s your bedtime.
Oops! Sorry, you didn’t have any time for you
You’re constantly worrying about getting in trouble, losing them, and asking yourself : What if my family needs me and can’t do things for themselves?
I hear you
You are not alone
this is the story of so many moms and women.
And it’s not your fault !
In my work with women, I see clearly how in the act of caring for others, women get triggered and fall into a pattern of self-neglect. Also, the feminine code of conduct around our role as nurturers and caregivers is so strong, It’s no surprise that meeting your needs and the expectations of others clash.
In fact, I believe this feminine code of conduct is chaining women up in what I’ve named the Happiness Trap.
The Happiness Trap gives you the illusion of a fulfilled and nourished life – but indeed perpetuates the idea that prioritizing yourself, deprives someone else of something (which leaves you feeling exhausted, stressed, and tired all the time).
BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY
Instead you can learn how to :
Balance giving to others with giving to yourself.
Hey, I’m Vanessa Mentor
And I know it’s damn hard to prioritize yourself…
…when a million little scripts is written daily about who you are, what your place is and what your life should look like as a mom and WOMAN.
In 2014, I met a successful man. Right off the bat, I knew he was not the right person for me. Although, that nagging feeling in my heart wouldn’t leave, I tried to rationalize why I had to make it work.
I was 35. Most of my friends were married and I felt pressured to check that box. I stayed and as weeks turned into months, things got worse.
The guy was an abusive narcissistic.
It was killing me but it gave me a sense of “I have my sh*t together”, until one day, he hit me in the face. The penny dropped.
The problem?
Obedience and people-pleasing. I was scared to be alone.
I was reminded that I didn’t have to earn my worth
After years of wrong relationships, twisting my personality to appear perfect and be loved, I realized that I was and am always enough. SOVEREIGN & WORTHY regardless of I what I was doing and being for others.
As a result, I stopped pouring so much into others at the expense of my emotional and physical well-being.
And started to slowly give myself space and time to love and care for myself as much as I was loving and caring for others.
I STARTED LIVING UNRESTRAINED.
I believe that lack of self-care is not only a personal problem.
It’s also embedded in a culture that constantly encourages you to do and be more, in order to be happy. And unfortunately, most conversations focus mainly on self-care as another thing to buy and add to your to do list. “consumerism” and short-term care.
Because, I lived for many years in Haiti, where the majority has less than $2 per day to live , my experience with self-care is rooted in nature, the support of the village and spirituality.
I could see the missing piece within the online space – populated mostly by north americans : Capacity and Ability.
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- Capacity refers to the container we build for our self care ( skills, inner resiliency, emotional intelligence, boundaries , personal conditions etc.).
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- Ability refers to our external environment and the different ways they may interfere with our practice of self-care (systems, culture, social conditioning).
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that’s what I’m trying to do with my work :
Help women increase their capacity for self-care while navigating the potential interferences with their ability to care for themselves.
I’m a self-care coach and teacher.
My gift is helping women re learn how to give without over-giving and love without people-pleasing so they can stay nourished, speak up with honesty and be better humans.
Basically, I can show you how to :
- Reframe busy-ness into intentional choices.
- Let go of continually deferring your desires and be more loving and gentle to yourself.
- Put in place structures that fit your lifestyle so you can create sustainable care for yourself and community.
The practices and journaling that you gave us have exposed tensions in my body that have been with me since early childhood. Memories have surfaced that I didn’t realize were still lingering, causing my body to live in a constant state of “bracing for impact “. I feel like this class has initiated a period of reconnection and healing at a level I didn’t know I needed, and even though pain is surfacing, you have made it a joyful and beautiful experience. Thank you. You are a wonderful teacher and guide and I am grateful to be connected with you.
Vanessa lives her program. She has broken down the how-to surrounding embodiment so that all you have to do is show up for the ride. It was an empowering program led by a welcoming teacher.
SO IF YOU ARE READY TO:
Reconnect to and trust what you truly need, want and desire.
Increase your capacity to tend to your needs and have more feeling-good days without neglecting your family or work
Find small pockets of nurturing moments to feel as human again.
about me, personally
I lived in Haiti for the first 39 years of my life. I am a mom and the youngest of a family of 5 children with an average of 8 years apart.
Before working full time as a self-care coach, I’ve spent the last 17 years working with managers, primarily in banking.
Even though I grew up living a restricted life (didn’t really see the world beyond my school and home), I was also doing everything I can to escape through books, daydreaming , writing, dancing. I started cooking since I was 6, altering dishes, trying unusual spices – allowed me to play with my creativity.
Ordinary People, Extraordinary Lessons
From my father, I learned that our emotional wounds when remain unhealed influence how we give and receive love. We can love deeply and not know how to demonstrate that love.
From my grandmother, I learned that who we are is made of our personal stories and the stories of those who came before us. The stories we tell, shape our view of the world.
Connecting To New Stories
The desire to understand why some of my friends had such loving connections with their dads and why I didn’t – led me to devour all materials related to psychology and spirituality.
What fascinates me is how our minds and stories influence who we are and the way we live.
Finding My Way Through
The world I grew up in and the world I created to escape my reality led me to discover my gifts and develop the foundation of my work.
In truth, Living Unrestrained was created for myself. And since then, it has witnessed me go from being a woman restrained in her body, relationships and career to being a woman who had transformed her relationship with her body, attracted a healthy and respectful relationship, and took the leap to embrace her new role as a self-care coach .
THE THINGS I LOVE
MORNING COFFEE
Haitian, Haitian, Haitian!!!
MINI SILENT pause
Intimate chat with God and life.
WORDS & STORIES
They feed my soul and make me feel expansive.
I BELIEVE
YOUR STORY MATTERS
Live the story you want to tell. True freedom is letting yourself be who you are.
OUR BODY IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR LIFE
I believe that the body holds our life stories and those that are yet to be told. Our relationship with our body informs how we relate to the earth and the people around us.
THE MOST IMPORTANT KIND OF LOVE IS ACTION
Take a tiny step everyday and keep walking toward what you want and who you are.
I STAND FOR FREEDOM & PERSONAL WISDOM
My legacy is to help create a world where women are totally free to say YES to the “TRUE YESES” they hear inside of them.
READY TO MAKE A CHANGE?
Here's how I can help
If you never have time to breathe and do the things you want.
Start With:
SELF-CARE REMEDY GUIDe
This guide contains 5 simple things you can do to create more nourishing days within the life you have NOW ( and you won't fly to Bali).
If you want to create a self-care structure that supports you in your life - but only plan it when things are DIRE.
Solidify Your Foundation With:
SELF-CARE MAPPING IMMERSION
A custom 1:1 VIP day designed to help you map out a self-care plan that nourishes and liberates you from recycling self-deprivation.
If you feel overwhelmed, depleted, resentful and struggle or don't know how to turn things around.
Move the Needle With:
Nurtured
A 4 month, personalized 1:1 guiding experience to listen to yourself and trust what you hear; to deepen your boundaries and build a self-care discipline that lasts and supports you and your family.
Get the Self-Care Remedy Guide
5 simple things for busy moms and women who can't find the time to relax and breathe.