the feminine code of conduct

The feminine code of conduct  is a set of predefined cultural and societal rules, demands and expectations(rooted in Patriarchy and Colonialism) on what’s appropriate and good for women.


Every culture

has it’s own version of the feminine code of conduct. It is passed on to us trough our religious institutions, the media, the educational system, our family system, our friends and social network, etc. 


Maybe you’ve been raised and conditioned to believe that women : 


  • Are primarily interested in long term relationship and parenthood
  • Do not have great interests in their careers or vocations
  • Are emotional, sensitive and childish
  • Don’t want sex as much as men do
  • Should be polite and nice
  • Are responsible for everyone’s happiness or won’t be loved
  • Need to be perfect and do it all
  • Don’t understand money and shouldn’t ask for too much
  • Gossip and don’t get along

in essence

we are fed with

with this idea that women are powerless and not trustworthy of making the best choices for their lives, unless they make space for the world’s demands and rules.

As a result of  this brainwash, most women are living in a pattern of over caring, over-giving, self-care deficit, perfectionism, people pleasing, staying small and burn out.

We’re either living in Martyrdom , Obedience, Diminishment or Masks .

  • I shouldn’t ask for what I want
  • I need to ask for approval
  • People’s needs come first. Caring for myself is selfish
  • I’m not enough. I can never be my true self

And the thing is, not only are these rules outdated, they’re also harmful.

The feminine code of conduct is dehumanizing to ALL women.

It’s robbing you of your personal sovereignty, wisdom, creative self-expression, joy and the ability to experience life the way you envision it.



 of complying


I want you to stand tall, raise your head high and follow the leader in you.


The Truth

I want you to come to terms with who you are and what you want. Reclaim and forgive the parts that you've been hiding for so long and slowly start to return home.


your sovereignty

Nobody is coming to save you. You have the knowledge, the skills, the wisdom and the gifts. Trust in yourself to make the life choices that will honor your values and your vision.

Tend to

your needs

Self-care is not selfish. Because caring for yourself gives you the resources you need to care with love and generosity for your world.


I'M vanessa mentor

I’m a self-care Educator and Coach. I connect the dots between our individual self-care and the care of the world so you can take actions that heal and restore both.

I teach self-care literacy that helps you untangle the misconceptions and guilt around self-care and redefine what it truly means.

I design self-care rituals that helps you make choices that honor your needs to care for yourself and your world.