What the Fuck moments – How to stay devoted

I talk a lot about Living Unrestrained and I’m sure that you are well aware that the journey to be the woman that you want to be is a tough one.

That’s why you’re here on this blog, am I right?

Most women I know are hungry to live and build more nourishing lives and more meaningful career/business.

That’s my desire  and yours too, I’m certain.

However,  many women are held back because they are trying to live up to the feminine code conduct, an external viewpoint of what a woman should be and how they should act.

A research study conducted by, Jedi Detjen, co-author of The Orange Line: A Woman’s Guide to Integrating Career, Family and Life. highlights The bias women themselves have about the nature and roles of women. We call this bias, “The Feminine Filter™,” because it represents a distorted or “filtered” view woman have of themselves and others. 

 

Yeah, Living Unrestrained is hard. Because, it requires that you also  reframe your own perception of womanhood and what’s possible for a woman.

 

There are going to be times when you just CAN’T deal with the physical and emotional consequences of trying to affirm who you are and make the choices that you believe will work for you.

 

  • You’ll want to stay up late to clean the house, instead of looking for help, even if you’re exhausted
  • You’ll want to quit your flourishing career/business when your partner finds his dream job across the country. You’ve invested so much into this relationship.

 

It’s going to be challenging. So how do you make sure you stay devoted to your vision and don’t slip right back to the old ways being and doing?

 

It’s all about AWARENESS, REFRAMING AND PRACTICE

 

1) AWARENESS

 

Often times, we struggle to do the thing that we want because of the unconscious tape we play over and over again . That’s how our brain works.

Considering this fact, the first step to making more conscious choices starts with awareness.

 

You can’t create the life you want if you’re on autopilot.

 

It’s time to spot the false belief, pattern or assumption you’re living by. I’ve put them under four categories

Martyrdom : I shouldn’t ask for what I want

Obedience : I don’t know what I want. I seek for  approval. They know better than I do

Diminishment : People’s needs come first. I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness.

Masks : I can never be my true self or they won’t like me. I need to be perfect.

 

So here’s the big question: What’s your decision making process? Do you understand how your daily choices are often rooted in one or all of these stories above?

 

2) REFRAMING

 

Research from pew tells us that  two-thirds (66%) of young women ages 18 to 34 rate career high on their list of life priorities, compared with 59% of young men.

Statistics from that same study tells  that (42%) women and men (43%) ages 35 to 64 feel  being successful in a high-paying career or profession is “one of the most important things” or “very important” in their lives.

So, it’s not true that women are less ambitious than men or only want to take care of their families. The problem lies in the stories that we are told or that we tell about what’s possible for us.

 

It’s about changing perspectives and creating new patterns.

  1. Instead of saying I’m not ready, you can say: I’ll figure it out along the way. I’m open to growth
  2. Instead of waiting for someone’s approval to start doing the things you want, you can reframe by saying : I’m the captain of my life. I know best what’s good for me.
  3. Instead of stretching yourself thin, maybe you can decide what really needs your attention and do those things.

 

  How will you reframe those stories?

 

3) PRACTICE

 

It’s not enough to reframe. We need to practice. Because the more we practice, the better we get at staying connected to who you are and what we want.

The path to living unrestrained is a continuous process of questioning your beliefs, and realigning the choices you’re making.

Practice with your family, within your business, with your friends, with your colleagues. Practice in every context.

Additionally, it’s important to connect with women who are on the same journey as you. We can’t grow alone. And this paradigm shift is larger than our own little personal interest. 

If you want to join forces with other women and push trough those rules, check out the living unrestrained Free challenge.

It’s a fight that concerns all women.

 

Because the more women we have taking risks, earning more money, and playing bigger, the fastest we’re going to create a new world where women are truly free.

 

Here’s a quick activity for you. In your journal

 

  1. Write down the main pattern, belief, or story that you operate from.
  2. When you’re ready,  Answer the questions below
  • where and when did you learn that belief?
  • How it’s affecting your life? what are the consequences?
  • Is that story still true for you? who’s benefiting from you playing that story?

    3. If this belief is no longer serving you. Write down how you’ll reframe it.

 

Here’s an example.

 

Let’s say you’re invited to an event but you’re not sure you have the time or capacity for…instead of feeling obligated to say yes immediately(because you want to be polite or think they’re making you favor for inviting you), you could say :” I appreciate the invite and will get back to you later to confirm my presence.”

 

Come back this little exercise whenever you are feeling you are struggling with honoring your rules.

 

I’d love to hear about you takeaways from this post. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

Let’s go Live Unrestrained !

 

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