What to do when you’ve let other people’s expectations taken over your entire life and need to have some boundaries up
This blog is for women who want to put some boundaries up because for the past 40 years they have let other people’s expectations taken over their entire life
Most women I know are hungry to live and build more nourishing lives and more meaningful career/business. That’s my desire and yours too, I’m certain. However, many women are held back because they are trying to live up to to other people’s or society’s expectations for them. The pressure of what I call the feminine code conduct, cultural viewpoint of what a woman should be and how they should act.
A research study conducted by, Jedi Detjen, co-author of The Orange Line: A Woman’s Guide to Integrating Career, Family and Life. highlights the bias women themselves have about the nature and roles of women. We call this bias, “The Feminine Filter™,” because it represents a distorted or “filtered” view woman have of themselves and others.
Yeah, Living Unrestrained is hard. Because, it requires that you also reframe your own perception of womanhood and what’s possible for a woman.
There are going to be times when you just can’t deal with the physical and emotional consequences of making the choices that you know are good for you.
- You’ll want to stay up late to clean the house, instead of looking for help, even if you’re exhausted
- You’ll want to quit your flourishing career/business when your partner finds his dream job across the country. You’ve invested so much into this relationship.
It’s going to be challenging. So how do you break the barrier of obedience and keep your promise to follow the path that feels right for you?
It’s all about awareness, reframing and practice.
Often times, we struggle to do the thing that we want because of the unconscious tape we play over and over again . That’s how our brain works. Considering this fact, the first step to making more conscious choices starts with awareness.
What story is influencing your interactions with others? It’s time to shed the light on them :
- Martyrdom: I shouldn’t ask for what I want
- Obedience : I don’t know what I want. I seek for approval. They know better than I do
- Diminishment : People’s needs come first. I’m responsible for everyone’s happiness.
- Masks : I can never be my true self or they won’t like me. I need to be perfect.
Statistics from that same study tells that (42%) women and men (43%) ages 35 to 64 feel being successful in a high-paying career or profession is “one of the most important things” or “very important” in their lives.
So, it’s not true that women are less ambitious than men or only want to take care of their families. The problem lies in the stories that we are told or that we tell about what’s possible for us.
It’s about changing perspectives and creating new patterns.
- Instead of saying I’m not ready, you can say: I’ll figure it out and I’m staying open to growth
- Instead of waiting for someone’s approval to start doing the things you want, you can reframe by saying : I’m the captain of my life. I know what’s best for me.
- Instead of stretching yourself thin, maybe you can get your priorities straight and put in place systems that keep you from getting over board.
How will you reframe those stor
It’s not enough to reframe. You need to practice. Because the more you practice, the better you get at staying connected to who you are and what you want.
The path to living unrestrained is a continuous process of questioning your beliefs, and realigning the choices you’re making.
Practice with your family, within your business, with your friends, with your colleagues. Practice in every context. Additionally, it’s important to connect with women who are on the same journey as you. We can’t grow alone. And this paradigm shift is larger than our own little personal interest.
If you want to change that part of your story, but don’t know where to start, I can help you. Hope on a call with me and let’s figure this our together
We’re all concerned.
Because when we are taking risks, earning more money, and playing bigger, the fastest we’ll build that new world where women are truly free.
Here’s a quick activity for you. In your journal:
- Write down the main pattern, belief, or story that you operate from.
- When you’re ready, Answer the questions below
- where and when did you learn that belief?
- How it’s affecting your life? what are the consequences?
- Is that story still true for you? who’s benefiting from you playing that story?
3. If this belief is no longer serving you. Write down how you’ll reframe it.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say you’re invited to an event but you’re not sure you have the time or the bandwidth…instead of feeling obligated to say yes immediately(because you don’t want to disappoint them or think they’re making you a favor ), you could say :” Thank you for inviting me. I will get back to you later to confirm”
Come back to this little exercise whenever you are struggling with honoring your own needs.I’d love to hear about you takeaways from this post.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.